. love . life . death . life . love .

i barely exist.

fault:line

my heart

building its home

on a fault line

I let the black

lay itself over my face

I sat in the door frame

it gave way

nothing stays the same

earth epileptic

ground grinding against ground

like my mother’s molars in labor

I curled up in the tub

feeling earth barking at heaven

it wasn’t until my stomach started to hurt

that I realized I was laughing

manically

tears warm on my cheeks

but cold on my chin

nothing stays the same


Learning to Drown

the sun isn’t setting
but it is getting darker
I’m sinking into my own personal evening
the surface is sliding away
the sun falling into the distance
its long rays slipping between
the tiny anxious bubbles rushing out of my nose
and the fat oblique ones rolling from my mouth
the light making sparkling colors
from my panicked breaths
I thought
how beautiful this would be if I wasn’t drowning
how beautiful life would be if I wasn’t dying
how beautiful you’d be if you weren’t leaving

not until there was no more leaving
just left
not until there was no more drowning
just drowned
did I become lighter
with more light
with more life
than I had when I was living
I thought
how tragic this would be if I had lived
thank God I didn’t survive
not everyone gets to die such a gorgeous death
only drowning freed me
from my fear of falling into deep rivers
and dark waters
only because I laid at the bottom of that river
can I now plunge so deeply into yours
don’t be afraid
let your riverbed quake
let your shore swell
don’t be afraid
I will still reach your bottom
many men have learned  to swim
not many have learned to drown

dark and cold and gorgeous.

Exquisite. 

Where and when it all began.  #TheMeccanOpenings #TheMedinanOpenings #TheOpening

Where and when it all began. #TheMeccanOpenings #TheMedinanOpenings #TheOpening

Detroit bound.

Detroit bound.

Eating Disorder : 4/30

her heart is

binging and purging 

her heart 

always hungry

neither tasting nor chewing 

just swallowing every affection 

she can’t keep it up

she can’t hold it down

her middle finger pressing the back of her tongue

like she’s trying to flip off her own heart

until every sweet word I’ve ever fed her

leaps from her belly

and fills her mouth

but then all the sweetness is

bitter

bile

vile

half digested love

looks like foul

smells like wrong

she is kneeling like Narcissus

staring into toilet water

upside down 

the porcelain kind of looks like a halo 

she cant brush the smell of regret off her breath

the remains of pseudo-romance are rotting between her teeth 

her ribs are showing

her heart isn’t